The Journey

The Journey

Firstly, apologies everyone, it has been a long time since my last blog – more than one person has pointed this out to me recently. What happened? Well, at first it was what didn’t happen, now it’s what’s happening again. I guess I got lost in my journey. I’ve had some big lessons to learn this last 6 months about life, faith, direction, perseverance, honoring myself, trusting myself, dealing with big emotions – you name it. But the good news is back on top of it and feeling positive about the future again – mostly. In reflection I can see that what I’ve been going through has been described by Martha Beck in her Cycle of Change as the Hero’s Saga, that time in the cycle where you’ve worked out what you want to do and then you have to get about doing it. And it’s not easy. You take a few steps forward and then several back and you have huge obstacles to overcome and so on and so on. That’s what’s been happening to me this last 6 months – with my business, with my own professional and personal development, as a mother – I really feel like in every aspect of my life I’ve had to reassess, realign my values, face huge challenges and figure out solutions. It’s been rough! But I’ve definitely learned A LOT! I’m no hero, that’s for sure, but I am accumulating an awful lot of experience as I go along this journey of life. One thing that I’ve noticed through it all is that I have some very powerful magic at my disposal, things that have helped to keep me grounded, centred, connected to myself and the earth and which have stayed constant as I rode through the storm, my anchors. These have been my angels, my spirit guides, nature itself – especially trees and flowers, meditation, my intuition (though getting a clear reading hasn’t always been easy), my children and husband, my body’s ability to tell me what’s wrong and my growing ability to read and respond to energy. Some people may read this and wonder what I’m going on about – others will read it and know exactly what I mean. See we all have so much access to all the answers, to guidance on how to get to where we want to be in life, but quite often we haven’t learned how to access it. What I have learned through this last 6 months is that actually I do know how to access all of this now and it is powerful, powerful stuff and it is leading me to where I want to be. In fact, it’s allowing me to be at peace right now, even though there’s still a lot of chaos going on around me. So there you have it. And I’m still at the beginning of my journey but I know it’s all going to be fine and whatever happens I’m determined to enjoy the process.

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Power within

You want to have a really powerful experience of life and exchange with others, try leaving your ego at home. Most of the time it’s our ego leading our experience of life – unless you’re already enlightened of course, then you don’t need to read this. How do you know it’s your ego? Cause it’s emotional. It gets frustrated when things don’t go according to plan, it gets restless when things are going slow or someone is not getting to the point, it swells with pride when someone notices our contribution, it rides the waves of appreciation when everyone is enjoying the story you’re telling, it rings with disappointment when a friend cancels your plans unexpectedly. So where is the real you in all this? The real you is the quiet moments in between all the drama, just peaceful, uncurious, content, non-judging, unconcerned, accepting, observing. When you are in this space you are relaxed, happy and all-knowing. That’s right – all-knowing. When you’re at peace your intuition is working on full beam and you can ask yourself any question and you will get the clear and correct answer. OK, it takes a little practice. But not as much as you’d think. First become aware of those moments in between all the emotion. Grow them by taking some time out for a few minutes everyday, take a few deep breaths, just relax, don’t think. Then when the peace arrives ask yourself a question – “I wonder is it going to rain this afternoon?” “I wonder who that is on the phone?” Note the answers. Do this for a week and you’ll start to notice a pattern, all the answers are correct. Do it for two weeks and start asking really big questions, and get blown away by the answers. That’s all it takes. Then you start having a whole new experience of life. Clear, powerful, and way more enjoyable. Emotions are useful cause they let us know what we do and don’t like. Where we get our energy from. But they are just that, guides. And they are generated by ego. When we learn to live without ego we get a far more pure experience. We are able to engage with others on a far more honest level, they feel it and appreciate it and you feel it and appreciate it and the whole experience is just so much more charged with positive energy. So why not give it a try. See if you can leave your ego at home today? Well at least for a few minutes to start with…

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Self Worth

Do you value yourself? How do you value yourself? What does that really mean? So often these days I can see and hear the universe communicating to me really, really directly. I’ve been asked these questions through a book I’m reading and also through a course I’m studying in the last 2 days – the two completely unrelated. So I’m thinking someone wants me to answer these questions now. OK, higher self (I’m guessing that’s who it is), yesterday I sat down and wrote a long list of things I don’t like about myself and another list of things I do like about myself. I have to say it was a liberating experience. Looking at the list of things I don’t like – it’s not as long as I thought it would be. And there’s nothing on that list that I’m not working on changing. So I see it more as a list of things to do than a list of negative things about myself. And the list of things I like about myself, my good points, well I decided not to be shy (and obviously coaching has helped me to be honest and develop such skills for self analyzing) and that list was really pretty long and when I read over it, as I did several times, I felt this warm glow of appreciation and love well up inside me in a strong and powerful way. It was something I really hadn’t experienced before. I think it was self love I was feeling, for the very first time. It was intoxicating, just like first love. And it made me feel just so warm and happy and real and alive. And knowing this about myself now has shed a whole new light on those questions above. Before I would have felt obliged to say yes but there was definitely a whole lining of self doubt hidden underneath. Now with this glimpse of who I truly am, and I say glimpse cause I’m still feeling a bit shy about the whole thing, I can see that there’s a whole lot of stuff that’s just wonderful about me. Wow! How can I have lived so long without seeing all this? I can see I have to get used to this new love. I can also see that it is powerful beyond what I could have imagined and it’s going to help me to do an even better job of living and most definitely of coaching. Wow! I totally recommend falling in love with yourself. It feels amazing.

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Living Authentically

One of the things clients can expect from their coach, if they so choose, is for the coach to be an accountability partner. By helping the client set goals and design plans to meet those goals and then checking in with the client each session to see how they are doing. What I have discovered is that it helps to have someone else to report in to and we are brought up to be accountable to others in this life – our parents, our teachers, our managers. What is often more difficult is to be accountable to ourselves. It’s easy to set goals and then let them slide if we don’t have to report our progress to anyone else. It’s OK to let ourselves down but not others. Is that right? Surely not! However, that’s what I see happening and I have to admit that’s what I’ve done myself. But I also recognize that when I achieve goals I set for myself it is far more satisfying than completely tasks for someone else. Having choice is the key. Setting goals we are passionate about also makes us far more likely to achieve them. But living authentically is perhaps the best way to express what it means to be accountable to yourself. Being committed to yourself to achieve the things you set out to do. Being committed to your own happiness. Enjoying the process of making small steps towards achieving your personal goals. Rewarding yourself for reaching milestones and being motivated by the feeling you know you will have when you reach your goal. We are responsible for our own happiness. So if we are conscious of living authentically, being true to ourselves, it helps us to set goals that really matter and motivate us. If we do this we are more likely to achieve what we set out to do. And we become good at making ourselves happy. And before you know it, you’ve fallen into a healthy habit which helps you to live a rewarding life. Give it a try this week – start thinking about what it means to you to live authentically and to be accountable to yourself. Set yourself a small goal and achieve it and notice how it feels. See where it leads you. Have a great week!

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Acceptance

One of the biggest revelations and one of the biggest challenges I’ve faced this last few months has been the lesson of acceptance. It’s funny how you can learn something many times before one day, for no particular reason, it suddenly becomes clear and this time you know you’ll never forget it and it has changed your life forever and you feel elated, wonderous and incredibly whole all at once. This has been my experience of acceptance. I’ve learned to accept the way things are. It’s partly about being mindful and just observing things around you as they really are – with no expectations, no judgements, without placing context – just seeing things raw, as they are. It takes practice to do this. Especially with people because we are so used to creating stories around all the people in our lives, building a past, present and future of each person in our conscious or subconscious mind which in turn influences the way we view them and interact with them. But just to see someone as they are this minute, and to just see it, not to analyse it or qualify it, but just to accept this person is as they are – this really has the power to open your mind to a new experience of being. Just being. To me it brings a knowing, that everything is right now, as it has always been and always will be, just pure glorious existence. It’s a feeling of incredible freedom, understanding and exaltation. Appreciation of life. Now that I’ve seen it all I have to do is to remember to do it and use it. When things are getting complicated or people or situations are irritating me or causing me stress, this is when I try to remind myself just to accept. To be objective and see things as they are. Accept they are this way. Remove the emotion and the stories. Just breath. Then all the complications fall away and I am able to relax and see the way forward. It has brought me a feeling of deep peace. And it has led to some real breakthroughs in some of my relationships – at least on my end, I have been able see those close to me as they really are and to fully appreciate their existence and roles in my life. And for that I am truly grateful.

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Depression

Depression seems to be all around me at the moment and I even had some flashes of it myself over the weekend as my husband set off on another trip for work – his fourth so far this year – leaving me at home with the two girls again and with plenty of my own work to manage. I have a few people close to me suffering depression right now and I myself have struggled with it in the past. I overcame my “big” depression around 5 years ago now, I can hardly believe it’s been that long. There have been a few small reoccurrences but minor compared to the big fall I experienced back then. Depression like this seems to leave a big imprint which the mind easily stumbles back to when things get tough. What’s most difficult when facing depression in the people around me is knowing that ultimately I can’t change them, only they can help themselves back to health. I know because plenty of people wanted to help me when I was down, but I couldn’t face anyone, couldn’t bring myself to seek or allow their help. I had to find my own way. Luckily I did. Now, with those close to me, I can be there to support, encourage and listen, but that’s all, and only when they let me, and this can be frustrating. What I know now that I didn’t before is that depression is mostly just a perspective. And that we can choose to change our perspective. But depression hits us physically and this makes it very hard to fight the negative perspective – if you’re feeling exhausted, confused, anxious or you’re in physical pain it’s just difficult to think straight. So the first step to recovery is looking after the physical symptoms, go and see a doctor and tell them exactly what’s going on. Then later the perspective can be tackled. Depression is also a wake up call to let us know we’ve wandered off course and we need to get back to our true path. This is the starting point. Checking again where your true path lies. Then working your way back to it, slowly, step by step, until you feel yourself again. For anyone out there struggling with depression I just want to say you are not alone and you can overcome it. Take care of yourself. Seek help. Listen to your heart and your body. Remember happy times and let them pull you back to yourself. I read a very inspiring website on this topic last week, a personal journey which may inspire you: http://nochnoch.com/ And know one thing for sure, there REALLY is a silver lining in every cloud – start searching for yours now! Sending love

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Emotions

I’m reading a great book at the moment, “Finding Your Own North Star, Claiming the life you were meant to live” by Martha Beck, the life coach featured in the Oprah magazine. And it’s fantastic. What I’ve found most interesting is what she says about emotions and processing emotions so that we can get on with our lives. There are a few awesome tools we have been equipped with in this life to help us navigate our way – our minds, our bodies and our emotions. We’re all pretty familiar with the busy old mind which is constantly talking away to us day in and day out, analyzing, deciding and observing everything. Most of us rely very heavily on the mind as our main navigational tool. Martha talks about the body as a compass too which is something I’m not unfamiliar with but the way she describes it made me realize just how powerful our body really is for showing us the way. Next time your neck is feeling stiff try asking it directly what’s up and what it wants you to do. Really, you’ll be amazed at how quickly and directly it will answer you! Definitely something we need to consider more. But it’s the emotions which I’m most interested in these days because I think this is the most complicated part. We all let our emotions guide us to some extent. Some people are happy letting their emotions be in control, many others are most definitely more trusting of the mind. Why, because we are often afraid of the power of our emotions and they are also very complicated to decipher at times and can be erratic! So what Martha does beautifully is break it all down so we can look at our emotions objectively and understand them better so we can allow them to play their part in guiding us where we most want to go. She looks at how to identify the emotions we are feeling in simple terms. Then shows us how to figure out why we are feeling that way. And then how to understand what it is your emotions are telling you that you need. Here it’s important to take ownership of what you need and frame your desire into something useful. For example, saying “I want Brad to love me”, is not something you can really control. But saying “I want to be in a loving, romantic relationship with someone attractive” is something you can have control over, something you can use. And now let your mind take over and lead you to some rational and effective ways to get what you want. Simple eh? Well, not really. But Martha provides some great advice on how to then get what you want and how to use your emotional compass. I’ve definitely learned a lot about what my emotions are saying and I’m looking at them in a new way now. But I can see it’s going to take some practice to get good at it – like everything 

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Overcoming Impatience

Wow, after reading my last entry I think this one is going to carry a little different energy. I really was on a high! These days I continue to feel blessed and happy, almost smug, with the way my life is running. Working part-time and having time with my baby and my 3 year old has been just wonderful. But now Jazzy is almost 7 months old and I’m becoming like a racehorse pushing at the gates – I can’t wait to get out there and start running. I’m really impatient. I feel like I’ve been taking some well-earned time out and now it’s time to get back to the world, to live more and work more. I have to say I’m nervous too but if I examine the nervousness, it’s a little fear of the unknown, a little fear of failure but deeper down I think it’s a lot of excited energy. Fears are understandable but I’ll go with the excited energy which I can use to get me where I want to go. So what’s holding me back then? Timing – the Xmas and New Year, followed by Chinese New Year – is a long lull in business, so I’ve been doing some promotion and waiting for everyone to be ready to work. But I’m also reluctant to let go of this wonderful pace of life I’ve had and there are some motherly feelings of guilt wrapped in, tearing myself away from the beautiful little Jazzy to do more work – am I crazy? I fully realize it’s time to give myself my own coaching advice. I need to sit down again and re-do my ideal life – write it again for where I’m at now. Make sure there is time for babies, time for work, time for exercise and fun so that I’ve got all the bases covered and I don’t have to feel nervous anymore. I also need to keep my mind in the present. It’s been doing some big time wandering these last weeks and I know that’s why I’ve been feeling uneasy. Dreaming about the future is only good if you’re plotting the amazing things to come and planning for action. Spending time creating troubles and difficulties definitely serves no purpose. I’ve also had some incredible trips down memory lane as well – some pleasant, some not. So I need to get back to exercising mind control and keeping myself in the now, where as I already pointed out, everything is pretty smooth and nice. This sooths the impatience too because what is impatience – it’s the mind wishing itself into the future. But how am I going to get to the future, by moving to action now. So lets keep it in the now Trace! And meditate more. OK, feeling better now. Make it a great day whatever you’re up to!

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Reaching Beyond the Stars

Hello everyone! I’m back and in wonderful form. I had my beautiful baby girl number 2 on 28 June and she is an absolute angel. I’m literally buzzing with appreciation, gratitude, celebration and excitement right now. Appreciation for how wonderful life can be once you decide to let it. You see it was only a few years back that I used to struggle to find anything good in life to motivate me and now I have to wonder who that person even was – a temporary imposter perhaps. This last few months with my new little darling I’ve had time to ponder the meaning of life, to be continually amazed at the wonder of life and to be blown away at how much we really are in control of everything that happens to us. Take the birth of my new baby for example. I totally visualized how I wanted it to run – smoothly, quickly and perfect. I wrote it down months in advance and did my affirmations whenever I thought of it. I talked to my angels to gather extra support and fully invoked the archangels on the day it was happening – for courage, strength and to remain calm. Even then I was picturing a natural birth of around 8 hours with no major complications. What I got totally blew me away – around 4 hours of mild contractions at home and smooth and easy birth taking only 2 hours after arriving at the hospital! In fact I was really only in severe pain for around half an hour after arriving at the hospital while waiting for them to insert the epidural, and then for the 12 short minutes it took me to push her out when the time was right! I could fully feel the energy and force of the angels when I asked for courage during the delivery. I just knew that I was being looked after by the universe and the angels. And what has happened since then has continued to blow me away. My little Jasmine, that’s her name, is the perfect baby – perfectly healthy, always happy, always smiling, hardly ever cries, is peaceful and just ever so easy. I am truly blessed and for this I have incredible gratitude and I celebrate my happiness and love and wonderful life everyday. So why am I excited? Because I truly know and believe that I can have anything I want in this life now and I just can’t wait to go out there and get it! In coaching we talk a lot about living your ideal life. I’m experiencing this first hand now and am a true advocate. And I look very forward to sharing the methods, insights and inspiration with everyone I work with and come into contact with. I’m not only reaching for the stars, for me there are no limits. Wishing you all a wonderful week!

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Intuition

I’m researching intuition at the moment for my coaching research paper. So far I’ve surveyed a bunch of people I know about their thoughts on what it is and how they use it. And I’ve been reading lots about intuition – as always happens to me these days everything I pick up at the moment has something about intuition in it. And I’m also practicing using my intuition and this has been the most eye opening. So what am I finding? Everyone uses it in some way but lots don’t have faith in it or prefer to base decisions on more practical, fact based information. Women seem much more in tune with it or open to it in general. I’m finding through my own experiment that the more I use it the easier it becomes and the answers are becoming so clear. It’s just like communicating with yourself – I ask a question like “which way to go” and the answer is clear as a bell “take this road”. First I had to spend time locating it – noticing where the answers come from so I can direct the questions to the right place – this might sound pretty abstract but for me I used to think it was just in my gut, now it’s a place outside my body, sitting in my aura, above my head – but it arrives as a thought and connects to feelings in my gut and heart which help me to confirm I am receiving intuition. And the good news is, that it’s pretty much always right. Of course I can’t help testing it by not taking the advice and whenever I do I can see that I’ve made the wrong choice. I use it on practical things everyday – this means I can use it often – and see results all the time. What it means for me, I guess, is that I’m learning to really trust it and developing much more skill at using it. So what I am I really doing here? I think I’m tapping into my higher self, growing faith in my own inner knowing and making my own life easier, frankly! I know I won’t be afraid to trust my intuition on the big issues from now on. I encourage everyone to give a try!

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